hownowbrownseacow:

rosiebeck:

nxv:

primisthebomb:

I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING

i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid

I threw a grape in the air
I went to catch it I swear
It hit a spider that fell
and now they’re on my face

Fantastic.

(via helloyesthisisrachel)

extrasad:

i really wanna kiss you and be cute with you and fall asleep in your arms and go on stupid dates but i also sort of want to light you on fire and throw myself into traffic so idk

(via extrasad)

ryannxp:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

omfg

(via the-bitter-life-of-zack-and-cody)

awkwardvagina:

have you ever just cried because you’re you

(via l-eavemehere)

• *Wakes up in the middle of the night*
• Me: Please don't be 6am
• *1;48am*
• Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!
• *Shoves face back into pillow*